Parents confront son about porn sites

Dear Straight Talk: After reading about the "no big deal" attitude many teens expressed toward online pornography, I'd like to share my son's experience - which was a big deal. "Jason" was 14 when I found porn sites on the computer history. As I clicked each site, I was bombarded by explicit photos and was encouraged to make another click, whereupon a hardcore video began playing. Let me just say this: I'm no prude. I grew up in the 1970s and there is very little that shocks me. But this was hardcore like I've never even thought about, much less seen. After my husband and I watched the videos, we decided to watch them again with Jason so we could let him know this is not what "being adult" means. Jason began crying uncontrollably and begged us to stop. We thought he was going to vomit so we turned it off.We stressed to him that he was a perfectly healthy male to have clicked the pop-ups (that had flashed repeatedly while he was online). We also assured him that these images are not what sex is about, that something much more special is in store for him.Needless to say, we have a new password, without a hint (that's how he cracked it originally), and when Jason needs to use the computer we type it in. It's worth the trouble. - Folsom MomDear Folsom: I admire your family courage. Most parents shrink from the topic, partly because it's taboo, and partly because porn pop-ups target teen sites leaving parents clueless as to the volume and hardness of online porn. Like you said, what healthy adolescent male wouldn't click the pop-ups? Girls are curious, too, and it's naïve to think any teen 16 to 17 years old hasn't seen porn - with many viewing it by age 10. Unless people take political action in droves, I don't expect things to change soon. The Internet is like a large city where the biggest industry is pornography. While children roam its streets unattended, most parents have their heads in the sand and lawmakers are too bewildered to blow the whistle.I say your son is lucky. Most teens have seen more than he, yet most parents never (ever!) discuss porn with their kids. Locks, passwords, filters, they work to some degree, but the fact is, Internet access is everywhere, mostly unlocked. I spoke to my advanced class of teens about your letter and the conversation went something like this: Allen, 16: The kid almost barfed because there are some things you never (ever!) do with your parents. Hard to say what was more traumatic, the porn or that. Mike, 15: But it probably worked to keep him away from porn - at least for a while. He'll see it again though; it's everywhere. Jayna, 13: Porn can't be good for young people, it isn't good, but it's everywhere. Parents make a big deal out of it, but some of my friends watch it and they seem normal. I don't watch it because my dad would kill me.Allen, 16: You're born knowing what love is. Anybody knows porn isn't love. Mike, 15: Yeah, if it's on the Internet, it's not love. Allen, 16: It's not even normal sex. Neither are gratuitous sex scenes in movies. Movies promote porn. Charles, 18: If I had a ten-year-old kid I would talk to him about porn. I'd let him know it's out there and tell him what it is and what it isn't. Allen, 16: My mom talked to my brother and me about it. Parents need to have this talk with their kid, just like they need to give their kid the sex talk.Parents: It's me again. I urge you to warn your children about pornography in the same matter-of-fact way that you warn them about cigarettes. It's equally common and accessible with the same potential to be unhealthy and addicting. Lauren Forcella is co-founder of Teens-Matter, a non-profit organization devoted to teens. Write to Straight Talk at www.StraightTalkForTeens.com or 3215 Fortune Ct. Auburn, CA 95602.