Kristi Meyer commentary: Are you listening?

Recently, I listened to a podcast about listening. It was very thought-provoking and made me think about what kind of listener am I? How do you listen, I mean really listen? When someone speaks to you, do you give them your full attention? What if your phone pings you? Do you stop and look at your phone when someone is talking to you? Or perhaps you do something that seems a lot of people have become very proficient at and that is scrolling through the phone when being spoken to. You can also be bored with the conversation, thinking about the next thing you are going to say or are putting together your shopping list, all while someone thinks they are having a conversation with you. There are far too many reasons why we are unable to or choose not to listen, but I think you get the idea. There are times when we are all good listeners and times when we're not. Myself? I'd like to be a better listener. There are times I'm good at it and times where improvement is definitely needed. When I go to the office, Gary, who is my broker, is usually working away at his desk. He will always acknowledge me, whether on the phone or computer. If I ask a question, he stops what he is doing, takes off his readers and looks at me while we converse. This is something I have noticed and admired about him. He has shown me what it looks like to be present when being spoken to, setting a great example. The guest speaker on the podcast is a psychologist who lives in Israel. His name is Guy Itzchakov and he is a listening researcher, studying the psychology of listening. He told a story about a time he was at the park with his daughter. She was on the swing and started talking to him, so when Dad's phone pinged him, he was distracted and started texting. At that point, he noticed his daughter's enthusiasm for the park immediately vanished and she wanted to go home. Why? He was on his phone and not present with her. Once he realized what changed his daughter's mood and became present again, her enthusiasm instantly picked up and they continued with their time at the park. Poor listening can lead to arguments, hurt feelings, fractured relationships and more. The effects of poor listening can and will affect the one who is speaking as well. Guy says the listener determines more than 50 percent of the conversation. Being a good listener and asking good questions can help a conversation go a long way. Good listening requires training and the desire to listen. The good news is, we all have the capacity to be good listeners. If you are interested in improving your listening skills, the podcast referred to is Hidden Brain. The episode played March 25 and is called "Are You Listening?" Plus, it is free! With the distractions of "the screen" in our cars, homes and hands, good listening seems to be something going by the wayside. My wish is that we can learn to be better listeners, by being present, asking good questions and caring about the conversation and the person you are having it with, even if you don't agree completely. Now, go sprinkle kindness around like confetti. You never know who it may land on! Kristi Meyer is a Realtor at Granite Real Estate in Auburn. She has been serving the foothills for 20 years. If you have questions about real estate or need a Realtor, she can be contacted at text/cell 916-847-5128 or email her at ItMattersToKristi@gmail.com.